yellooww

fuck la

2006-02-01T06:05:00.000-08:00

im sick of publishing my life on the net.

school all over again

2006-01-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

school has started. i saw what i have to face this year and i must admitt i didnt really like it very much. i ran back to the comfort of my friends and family at dan ryan's straight after school. this is so sad. hah cant go without my dan ryan's darlings. anyways. there are so many things that i gotta do some of which i dont wanna do and some of which i wanna even if i dont have ta. so the thing is since ive already made the commitments to do it. may as well be woman enough to stick to it.work. O's. CCA. Singapore idol. lets just hop my dad dont find out bout the last one yeah? heh. k thats all the shit for now.

right then

2005-12-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

so right im kinda a little messed up when it comes to what im gonna do bout the zack justin situation haha. this is gonna get messy! yesterday debo did closing so i stayed a while cos i finished at twelve anyways.then while i was closing port haha and like running my food and clearing my tables, stupid david. haha eddie called me daling so i said ok daling then the rest of the time david was like eh dont give me the wine glasses give your daling. eh eddie come take from your daling. then made me kiss eddie on the cheek. fucking hillarious. then later my darling big brother, magen, chased eddie around dan's haha and caught him cos eddie cant run cos he got his foot run over by a car and its still quite bad. damn fucking stupid sia. after that went to meet vee and the jap customer. damn hot. haha. you dont wanan know how the night ended. yesterday was one of those days. the ones that are special for not being special. it was a great day. and even if everything went to shit haha at least i still made 30 bucks in tips. :)

zack

2005-12-11T11:20:00.000-08:00

late nights and early mornings with zack.

whats going with us i still dont know.

yayayayay

2005-12-01T00:45:00.000-08:00

1k here i come!pay days almost here.

anyway. zack left and so did bowen. suddenly work doesny seem all that fun. i mean i still have some joy left. like vee karen kumar magen winnie the one i watch the cute japanese regulars with clement seng joanne. and the newbee's like joanne's friend sharlane, and my friend julian plus now theres david this new guy who is really cool and is fun to joke around with about the managers. but like they arent the same. as great as they are they arent the same..... i miss bowen and his annoying ness... i miss justin and his making fun f me plus his appeal. but most of all... i miss zack. and thats kinda weird. missing the one i thought i despised and who i thought despised me. but he changed. even gave me a ride home on his cool ass bike. haha. sigh. i miss them so much. not even sure i wanna stay at dan's but there are still those i care bout so i will stick it out for them. i miss my friends too. school friends. i feel like i detached too fast and am trying to be grown up before i should. but with school next year i have no choice. new books and the stupid new shoe rule. i miss too many things to recall. i miss the things i love.

i love them and miss them so much......

they all fucking left.

and now i feel most alone.

hjdbbbv

2005-11-20T23:13:00.000-08:00

damn shiok last night. we mourned justins departure in style haha. zack came. haha thoughtit was wierd but actually the guy is pretty cool. justin bought everyone presents. little small things. wasnt expecting much. but i was surprised. he bought me a brown lace sorta slip lookin top that he knew i was in love with. that guy is priceless la. we watched tom yang goong at 2.30am haha then hung out and all till 5.30. stole bubble solution all. haha then sent justin on his way. damn sad. when i hugged the guy i dint wanna let go. he also like dint wanna let go... damn sad. shit. :'( anyway clement sent me home haha. i kinda miss justin already. its a strange feeling. oh well. but hey i gained a friend. zack and i are cool now. life is good. :) i miss you justin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my dunks/bling man. photo is dedicated to you... unluckies sia!

homies

2005-11-18T01:47:00.000-08:00

just got home.

i love these people haha they make it all better.

tmr is justins last day. gonna miss that fella. sigh. fuck...

and tmrwe will make the best of things! and they will be as fun as today and everyday! :)

i love ya'l my homies hahah!!!!!!!

sarah

2005-11-15T00:19:00.000-08:00

work is so damn tiring. consolation. i get to see the joys of my life.

aaaaaaahhhhhh

2005-11-07T03:09:00.000-08:00

fuck your mother la cunt

why?

2005-11-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

ok well is it wrong to feel alone when you arent? or actually not is it wrong but is it logical? oh well we'll just see wont we? people got friends i got aquaintences if thats how you spell it. ok well it'll do. ill just be happy. i always am! :) haha ok on a happier note.....
i tell you the week end was awesome. free is the best policy. on saturday went to the cheeky's halloween party. got comp'ed in free of charge. thanks going to terry. and danced and drank and had fun. got home and got grounded. shit happens. sunday walked around with jillian and the boys and went to my house where chaos struck. cooking for 6 boys and jill. only jill and gary helped clean up. i dont think gary has ever cleaned in his life. donnoe how to wipe dishes also. take so long. the rest of the guys useless sia. oh well. monday haha that was damn shiok. met terry for awhile. left him at like 10 and met gregg till bout 11.30. he was like gonna drop dead so made sure stupid boy went home to sleep. then met scott and jonny and brendon and cheryl. went to indochine for bling bling halloween party. damn shit cos i couldnt get in. then chanel talked to manager and i got comped in again for free. i love my life. free entry free booze. danced with jonny. lost my phone. shit happens. oh jonny. hmm. he's really something. then we met some guys when the party ended and went to BQ. i mean the night was still young. 4am. so went to shah alam to eat hah PRATA! and on to kushi. watched scott, edmunds brother whose name i cant remember and jonny dance. so cute they dance. and 6 they closed so scott took john's bike back to his place and jonny and i met him there haha. took first train. at scotts place met his mom. she's damn cool. then they drank and scott passed out in the hall and jonny and i went to the room. we slept at like 11.45. nuff said bout what happened in between. went home at like 12 noon. yes i know. we only slept for like 15mins. damn fun. nights, or mornings rather, like that should never end. so i slept tuesday away st home. till 8 had church then went to run errands with daddy dearest and went home. at like 1am jonny calls. so sweet that boy. talked till like 4 couldnt wake up for training. went to work haha had training on how to serve. tmr i start at reception. 12-9. die. gonna be dead tired. oh well. :) im having my first or rather second meal of the day banana chips and orange juice. the first was three m&m's and a pepsi. cool aye? what a healthy lifestyle i lead. ok well see you around my chica's

results

2005-10-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

ladies and you gentleman i fucking rocked the house down! haha i passed sec three. ahh! what a great weight has been lifted. i feel so damn bloody happy its just not scary. i know it wont last when my parents tell me it isnt good enough but for now who cares haha im soakin up the sun before the clouds come around baby! im tired. i need sleep. i want sleep.. i smell food. good bye.

ok heres the deal

2005-10-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

so parents are wierd. was talking to jill bout how they want us to be perfect. ok so i made a 120% improvement for math. i am one of the 4% or 5% of people in my level to pass accounts without moderation and well at that. i passed english without moderation which i have never done in my two years of sec three history and i have improved so much that all my teachers are wondering what happend to me in those two months of december holls when i decided to get my priorities straight. cos i haven't changed my lifestyle. hell no. but i do better. if i study they get off my back. so here i am happy with what i may call my biggest accomplishment of my life and i'm getting screwed over cos i'm expected A's and this just isn't good enough? i mean come on if i was so smart i wouldn't be doing this shit a freaking second time. bloody hell when am i ever going to be pleasing? i mean ok daddy i love you and all. i guess it comes naturally but when we go out you're embarrassed to walk with me. i know it and when you tell your friends about me you leave out the bad bits. ok so fine i'll never be good enough but i mean come on at least dont call me a failure when i think i've done well. actually as much as i hate to admitt it, i just wanna make you proud but since obviously it's just not gonna happen. i mean i just... i give up. so fine ok? i mean it's not like you know me anyway. you dont know who i hang out with what we do. what we like what we live for and the way we care for each other. yeah so fine you dissaprove cos they don't look clean shaven or they don't wear preppy clothes but these guys are great. i mean ok i got jill. she is like cool to hang out with. knows when smth is wrong and gives space. gary. is all caring without asking why and scott pics up a call and calls whenever i'm sad no matter what the hour or where he is. you don't find these people just anywhere. so i'm just going to sit here, content with myself, and if it isn't good enough. well... too damn bad.

hah

2005-10-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

isnt it really stupid how some people tag your board and dont leave their names when they insult you? i find it quite funny. i mean if i did it. which i recently did to one eugenia something-or-the-other. i mean wouldnt you leave your name? i did. ok cos serious. you despise this person. you wanna give this person a peice of your mind but you dont want him or her to know its you? i mean can you say wuss any other way? just do it. leave your name. hell leave you number and address in case that person wants to have you assasinated. at least your getting your point across.

moving on. dont you hate it when you study so hard for something and in the end fail it? yes i know the image running through your mind right now is stupid in bold letters stamped across my forehead. but still i mean yeah sadness. anger. denial. then a dew hours later. huh? what? oh that. fuck it la. shit happens. so thats what i've decided. fuck this. :) fail fail. i tried. if it aint enough who gives.

next topic. oh good topic. you know why? cos its no topic. yes this is the long awaited end of post. congratulations you have survived this large chunk of babble in the sad form of a blog entry. good bye and drive safely.

oh yeah and the post about rich people? yeah that wasnt about the nice rich people i know like stan and nigel and dri and lydia. its for all those rich spoilt brats. yes you preppy kids. run along. i heard gucci's got a new line. if im right its called "spend lots of money on ugly clothes designed by some rich guy with way too much time" but i could be wrong. thats just what i think.

oh shit

2005-10-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

i think i screwed up bad this time. but yeah oh well whats done is done.

yeah la

2005-10-14T01:12:00.000-07:00

all you stupid rich kids. think money is everything. when you cant afford that stupid pair of guess jeans you wanted the world is over. life cant go on without your little channel shades and who could forget that cute top you saw in the showglass of prada. now we all have to get one of those. i mean whats the point of living without them? right? WRONG! ever thought that while the rest of us out there are struggling to get through and have to starve just cos we wanted to spend that little extra to buy a 12 dollar bag from fourskin, you are crying cos you only have two hundred dollars left. big fat fucking boohoohoo. then theres the fact that because you are rich and practically have no real problems like coming up with the rent or getting money for groceries, if you called your grandmother stupid or yelled at her for five seconds, you cry and tell everyone your the victim and you feel so horrible. i mean wake up moron! say sorry and get on with it. if you had half the decency or respect you wouldnt even have yelled in the first place. ok well anyway now that i have fully expressed my views on you stupid whiney petchulant moronic overly sensitive stuck up egoistic bitchy and hypocritical rich kids i can call it a night. take care and vaminous baby

think im a bitch i dont care but think about it. am i really wrong?

so ya

2005-10-12T02:10:00.000-07:00

exams are over. so? i mean yeah. really so? well who cares. i like some guy. it will probably never happen. even if i want it to. oh well. i got a soar throat. whoopteedoo. i wanna sleep. im gonna play solitaire now. bye

ronin

2005-09-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

ronin came yesterday. oh my god. so amazing.
to all those people who sat down and were like wtf? i say WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR CULTURE DAMN IT? AND YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST PRETENDED TO CARE. but oh well. jill, michelle and i had a blast.
made friends with the band people. levan my vocal man. dharren so hot. sean ok la cute. simon anti social. and bang drummer man. they are all great people. got likr my wallet signed and their cd also. hee' yayay. so shiok. i love ij now haha.

and like drops of summer light you shall fall from the sky and lift me as high as where angels sing. but do not let the dark rain of black fall upon me for i shall be crushed by your love.

will put a ronin pic asap but friendsters fucked right now so its proving trickey

stressed goldfish

2005-09-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

wth

2005-09-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

ok so it isnt so easy to be happy when you feel like your on total meltdown. i mean everything is so stygain no matter what life i try and put in it. i cant make it better. i cant make myself feel happier, yeah i try act it but its hard. know what i mean? and like my happiness is being surrounded by sentinals.so i cant get in. but it will get better. i think i have uber mood swings. i mean i like am totally high then i see something that reminds me of something happy and i am crushed. what fuck patheticness. i mean like come on! and im stressed about not being stressed. what fuck is that la. nvm. i have two solutions one is above the other is to engulf myself in other peoples problems. so if you got a problem i can help.

anyhoo. on a happier note. life is like the pain in your ass :) its there sometimes and sometimes its provides relief when you get all the crap out in the open.

but heres the thing. to actually have crap to get out in the open one needs to eat. yes i know it may seem i eat all the time. and guess what. its true! so what? huh? huh? what you gonna do about it? honestly poeple who diet have NOTHING BETTER TO DO! so yeah hahah okok

how is everyone i know? guess what guys. RONIN IS COMING TO IJ!
excellent aye? okok well tv calls. and so does bio. and physics and geog. and ss. and oh my god stop me now.

2005-09-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

JUST DROPPING IN TO SAY HI
I WANT MY MOMMY

NYAM NYAM NYAM IM HUNGRY! HMMM....
OOOH DINNER IS SERVED GOOBYE. :)

THE PHLOEM IS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE VASCULAR BUNDLE.

VASCULAR IS A BAD WORD.... VASCULAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

buh bye :) lovin lovin plenty much.

that was a redundant statement. ok but yeah food calls bye :D

is it ok?

2005-09-20T18:26:00.000-07:00

is it so wrong to feel inferior? i mean i am scared. exams are coming and today at bio mr tang asked so wheres the phloem and i said on the inside! stupid i mean seriously i felt so stupid i kept making dumb mistakes. and i mean DUMB. I watched the proverbial sunrise Coming up over the Pacific andYou might think I'm losing my mind But I will shy away from the specifics Cause I dont want you to know where I am Cause then you'll see my heart In the saddest state it's ever been This is no place to try and live my life Stop right thereThats exactly where I lost it See that line Where I never should've crossed it Where I never should've said that It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back I'm sorry for the person I became I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again Cause who I am hates who I've been. i am thankful i have changed but i also am scared of the person i am turning into. i do not know myself anymore. and i sure as hell dont think i like it very much. but for now i just got exams so worry about and that is something i can change. when did i start to expect so much of myself knowing that i cant achive it? thats GOING TO CHANGE.

ok anyway.... ON A HAPPIER NOTE!
HAHAH I CAN GO SLEEP NOW HAHAH FOR A WHILE THEN ITS STUDY TIME.
or maybe ill just shower then study.
YES YES I THINK I WILL DO THAT.
now waht do you say watson?

TELEHO :)

is it ok?

2005-09-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

oh my god

2005-09-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD!!!!!
you have no idea what happened just now....
went out with gwen and then.....
I SAW THE MOST GORGEOUS GUY! AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
then he talked to me. hmmmm...... i mean this guy was seriously whhhoooooo.... ok well i think you've heard enough haha.
ill go now. gotta buy dinner. hmm... im out. bye...

-*SWOONS--

OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY BO MY DARLING SISTER I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok

2005-09-17T01:39:00.000-07:00

ill give you a hug and hope everything is ok.

im very sorry i hurt you. i just had to say it. i never said you dont care. you probably care more than many people even if you have a weird way of showing it. and you said look at myself. i am looking. i know im wrong sometimes. most of the time actually but the thing that im right about is i know i care. i think you know it. you tell me you know i care. but i cant fully care or help when you need me cos you keep pushing me away. you know it as much as i do. you cant let our past be behind us. your over it but you dont think i am. maybe im not but it doesnt matter.basic point is im sorry. i wish we can be friends. and most importantly i love you to tiny tiny bits and peices. ok? so just ya. im sorry. and no matter how much you say its ok and mevermind. its not. so just forgive me ok? bye love.

this song is for you cos your pain, is stress and pressure and exams. and lonliness... and its killing you. and its killing me. and i wish i could take your pain away.

The cold concrete cuts against her back
And her spirit spills but fall on to the pavement
hands tight behind your neck
And a silence falls and everything changes
Everything dies to you
Nothing's alive to you anymore
I guess you've gotten more than you may have wanted
If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
and I`ll bleed for you
so you`ll never feel this way (again)
When you're in my arms (again)
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you
She Drowns herself until the images erase
but the skin is bruised all along her thighs
nighmares repeat, refrain the memories remain
the mental photographs haunting all the time
she shuts her eyes to you
she tries to hide from you
she falls asleep into dreams where she is safe
If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
and I`ll bleed for you
so you`ll never feel this way (again)
When you're in my arms (again)
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you
Put the weight of my shoulders
with the pain in my heart
inside the knots in my stomach
and let it tear me apart
so i could be
everything you need
the weight of my shoulders
and the pain in my heart
to the knots in my stomach
let it tear me apart
so tear me apart
And this silence strips me bare
and the body pins me down
Ive never been so scared to breathe
afraid to make a sound
( but all i know)
kick and scream and bite and bleed and make believe its all a dream
If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
and I`ll bleed for you
so you`ll never feel this way (again)
When you're in my arms (again)
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you
(pain away)
i would scream for you
i will bleed for you
(pain away)
i will bleed for you

k

2005-09-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

so the thing is right. i always feel so hurt. so left out. i cant change it. god knows i have tried. but this feeling. its made it known that its here to stay. and i guess it just goes to show that some of us arent supposed to be happy. its not the way it was meant to be. because all the joy i experience. is never complete. never filled. never of substance. but then again. am i of substance? i mean when i felt empty. i thought you could make it alright. that youd be there for me. to hold me. and say its all right. but thats all fary-tale nonsense. and some motha* invented O'levels. so you are busy. too busy. i miss my adriano. but hey. stupid examinars dont care who i miss. and i can live with that. i always do. then theres the friend. who has made it more that clear. that she is avoiding me. things are different now is what i say to you. its not that way anymore. i just wish you would understand. and let us be friends that would hang. and talk. and goof. and not let anything get in the way. maybe your too immature for that. or maybe your too mature to have fun. maybe maybe maybe. i guess we'll never know will we. you keep telling me to get friends. that its easy for me. its not ok? instead of telling me to get friends. why dont you turn around and be one? and dont say you are. you know your not. this is not a stab at you. im just speaking freely. sorry if it hurts you. its not meant to. i highly doubt it will. then theres my nora. oh how i miss her so. she was my babe. the one and only. she made me smile. but once again due to * Olevels she has been taken away. i want my friends back! * the system. taking it all away. i want my life back! sigh. whatever. i miss my beaa'. bea is my devil. basic point i miss all of you. so now i sit here. on this stupid chair. thats getting way to comfortable. thinking about how much i wanna get out. get out of this. whats this? everything. hmm. ill just sit alone for now. see you soon.

hey

2005-09-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

havent been sleeping normal hours lately. cant seem to get my act together. battel of the bands was great. got a freaking underage stamp but hey still got drinks. bartender was kinda sexy. then watched the ocean band. dave had loads of solos. duh he wrote the songs. but ya. they were awesome. then went to hang out and stuff. debo left with per and beck's and co. to go to gotham. soph stayed with me cos we are the loyal fans of SUMMERS OVER so we wanted to support them all the way. met load of people. they were all really nice. especially ali's dad. wicked cool. bal and kins were freaking out. but i mean its all good. then bal said they got a new sound... hmm. and kins said wait till i hear the new style. anticipation. they mixed another one bites the dust with enter sandman and so much old-school. i freaked out. it was beyond amazing. then we started jumping and moshing. none of the other bands had this kinda support. after that the guest band played. ronin. was good. lotsa energy. but not as good fan support as SUMMERS OVER hah. ok well anyway. when like the results came back i was hyped. we all were.turns out ocean band won and SUMMERS OVER got second. was kinda bummed but ocean band did deserve it i guess. bal and kins were like so upset. i felt so heartpain. but yeah cant be helped. shit. anyway i hung a little longer to cheer em up then headed home with soph. was like 4am. got fucking screwed. heh. oh wells. its the past. schools tmr. fuck. well im gonna go do claud's blog now. so yeah. bye babes. love much.

me

2005-09-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

so much has happened. i never thought it would be this way. if i did i would have changed everything i could. but it always happens for a reason i guess. its sad that its like this. that its actually come to this point. i mean couldnt you have put down your pride to save us? save us all? now we have all this trouble. a little unnecessary. you have all this intelligence and its like you dont wanna use it cos your too damn bloody fucking proud. why? i mean. whats it gonna take. you've worked her down. she's tried so hard. she's falling apart. its heartwrenching. especially when she means so much to me. to us.

i know you dont understand what this is about. i guess its not for you to understand. this is just a blog. its stupid to tell the whole truth. to expose yourself to the net. i mean if it really was that bad you wouldnt have said it. you would have kept it inside. but i can understand. its hard to keep the pain from coming out. it spills over.
this is meant for different people. some you know. some you dont. some you just never thought of cos it seems like i never thought about them or that i was too stuck on someone else. appearantly im just more than you think i am. i guess im just not who i seem. or too much of who i seem. i mean
i relaise sometimes.. im too much about myself. i need to stop it.

i just. i wish it would change. that i didnt have to live this life. but at the same time. ive had good experiences. good friends. jill, ana, jamie. and those who are know more than others. but who have their own problems. kim, mann. not everythings as easy as it seems. right now i just gotta put myself away. shelf the problems. ive been doing it for years. it helps. until its too full. but ill deal with that when it comes along.

hows this going to go away? how am i going to stop it? how is it going to be solved. we think its over but more comes along. i guess i have nothing more to say. i cant stop it. i cant save it. im too insignificant. im not demoralising myself. its just its not in my power. but i can try.

bye-
just know i thought it was worth it. and now.

ive given up.
but before its over. thanks. for my birthday.
its a picture to remember it by.

strongest

2005-09-01T01:47:00.000-07:00

im sorry for your loss. theres not much i can do. i just want to stay right here and make sure that your fine. cos i really cant stand to see you sad. no one can. i know you say your ok. you probably are. but if you need to fall apart. ill be right here. waiting for you. even though you have many others to go to. ill just sit and wait. like the little kid at the end of a bench at the baseball game waiting to play. the last resort. i love you ok? all of us do. its scary to see the strongest crumble. ill be here. we all will be. bye-

you

2005-08-31T23:33:00.000-07:00

im sorry for your loss. theres nothing i can do. i can try but im not superwoman. you got alot of people caring right now. i know you dont need me. but ill be here. that kid at the end of the bench. waiting to be selected to play. so you take care. because if you dont. people might crumble. it hurts to see the strongest suffer. so you take care. i love you. we all do.

because of you

2005-08-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

BECAUSE OF YOU - for you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

you

2005-08-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

if you ever need me to stya with you when your alone... ill be there...
for you
and we will laze around and talk... like cats
haha smile sweets...

im sorry...its not that i believe what everyone tells me its just that i dont believe in anything... just theres some stuff that keeps me going cos i think since it seems to be working for other people it should work for me. get it? know its a messed up logic but im messed up arent i? we all know that. im saying your strong because you seem to be getting along fine without ever showing weakness... you just stoned... your stressed but you dont cry or mentally breakdown or whine,.... okok actually you whine... alot haha but still. you get my flow? sorta? your a black sheep? well it may seem like hah ya right cos its like oh she's just saying that.... but your like going through everything that i had to tahan last year and this year too.... ver wondered why i changed church after confirmation? or why i said no when my dad asked if i wanted him o fight for me to be advanced? thats why. black cheep... as black as it gets.... if the past was all that you had and you werent happy than whats so worng about what you have now...? i mean how could this be worse? i alway say if you dont understand.... get someone who can help you... i know im not exactly the best person so go to others... if you dont wanna then ill find out then tell you... anything you wanna know also can... stoning? its ok. we all like to stone... pebbles hee' smile? and as for me. i am sad and distant...i know and im sorry i just cant.... i cant.... i cant anything..... ill survive ok? you know i always do. and i wont get hurt... if i do ill get better. everything has a cure. its whether you wanna find it... and as for you being here for me.... i knew it... i always do... sometimes i doubt... but i know now k? and it means more than alotta things. thanks babe. love you loads and loads... ill take off any brden you need k? just ask....

this person

2005-08-14T02:13:00.000-07:00

so theres this person right. and she made me believe in something. it was something that helped me. i must admitt, im still doubting it, but theres a basic belief. this thing is god. i mean i thought that because she seemed to believe in him with such strong faith that maybe i should give it a try. it sorta got me through. but she lied. she told me last night that she doesnt believe in god... or rather that she doesnt believe there is a god. the thing... or rather the hope i had been going on... its all gone.... i mean. i was also going on the fact that she was so strong. i mean she seems so alone and i cant help cos she wont let me even when i try. but yet she seemed so strong. i thought god was her secret. bullshit. all bullshit. i dont have much to go on. so whatever i get... i cling to it. and i try not to let it go. i got let into her mind... sorta... everytime we all joke or smth and she seems distant or stoned i wonder what she is thinkin about. now i know. she is remembering about when she used to be happy. i wish i could make it right. i hate seeing people sad. and she isnt a person.... she is special... to me at least.... she is a really really close friend.... i can only say that anout two people. and she is one of them. i wish someone could take her sadness and lonliness away. even if it wasnt me. as long as it made her ok and made it better. but i dont know who that person is. im not even sure there is such a person. but just so you know... ill be here... if ever need be.... to hold your hand... till everythings alright. cos you mean more than the world to me... im sorry if thats not enough. so if you tell me that your happy. i hope it really is true. and if you ever need to smile..... ill be waiting for you. :)

if you think you know who im talking about.... trust me when i say... you have no idea...

useless

2005-08-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

its friday... i didnt go to school. again. fuck la. this sucks. i donnoe what to say. im tired. feel like sleeping. but then again not really. this mornign i woke up and got dressed and all, was about to go to school but my mom said not to go. damn it la. i feel fucking useless at home.... bloody hell.... anyway think im gonna watch tv then sleep then study. sick of typing. three posts in two days. record sia. bye.....

for me--

2005-08-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

this goes out to a special someone. you know who you are. these words mean more than ever before and too much for you to ever know. :) i smile for you.

NOTICE ME
NB Ridaz Feat. Angelina

(I wanna let you know that I'll always love you baby..)

[Angelina]
Sometimes I think about everything that we've been through (come on)
And I pray that you would just open your eyes
I love you (I love you too, girl)
And I need you (And I need you too)
So please dont throw our love away...
(Foget me, girl)

[Nb Ridaz]
Since the day you and I snuck away to be alone
I knew from that night something special went on
It must of been the first kiss, you told me that
No one else in the world made you feel this
I felt the same way too, but nothing stays the same
Im sorry for the tears Im sorry for the pain
You were the one that always made things right
I promise you this though you got a friend for life
Maybe one day we can try it again
And maybe things can be a little different
So lets just kiss and say good bye
Cuz I really cant stand the pain to seein' you cry..

[Angelina]
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
(Repeat)

[Nb Ridaz]
All that is mine is yours thats what I said
Treat you with love and respect in every way
You want it i gave you, you need me I was there
Now you treat me like if Im not here
I loved you I need you, dont wanna let go
If you want somebody else please let me know
Can't take it no more, I feel Im dyin inside
Is this the price I pay for handing you my life
I know I'm not perfect but I truly cared
So if you wake up one mornin and Im not there
Just rembemer I loved you, it will never be the same
Gave you everything and you threw it all away

[Angelina]
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
(Repeat)

[Nb Ridaz]
I gave you my good and my bad, my heart and my soul
My trust, my money, my time, what more could you ask
From a man even when times were hard I held out my arms
And held you and even accepted you through whatever weather
But now I feel it we're at the end of the road
Whatever we had now I gotta let go nights like this
I wish rain drops would fall to cover my tears
Wishing I could replace all those wasted years of loving someone
Who couldnt love me back and now again
I gotta start from scratch but I know
I've given you my everything

[Angelina]
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
(Repeat)

sniff

2005-08-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

home is a real fuck place to be. my daddy is angry i didnt get a mc. i said its cos i had to pay. which is true but not the reson why i dint get one. i just wanted to go to school today. which in the end i didnt do. thats totally fucked up. and i have elections today. i should be in school damn it. and like my dad is uber cranky and like is it any if his business whether i got a mc or not? i mean he dint even know i was sick till my baby showed up at my house at 2am and told my dad he came to check up cos i was sick. thanks does out to a friend, who i dont think wants to be named, for taking me to the doctors yest. waiting two bloody hours. aiyoh. can die. i wanna be in school. cant talk or breathe properly but its ok i just dont wanna be here damn it. cant anyone get that. bloody hell la. sigh. need to be in school studying all. i mean exams are coming and im at home cos of a stupid virus. damn it.i think im depleting the worlds tissue supply. oops? i took a shower before this and i still feel germ infested. seriously a annoying factor. oh look its 1.50. school just finished. i can imagine mrs kunna talking bout focus and what not. shit... i need a tissue. so this morning when i woke up for school. first thing i did was cough out this huge globule of sick crap. nose was too stuffed to breathe and couldnt talk. mom said go back to sleep. so i did which was ok except that i stupidly forgot to take my meds. shit. so im one dose late. and now im trying to eat minestrone soup but everything seems to taste like crap. so i have no idea what to do. i dont wanna eat. i dont wanna sleep i dont wanna be at home but to a certain extent i dont wanna be in school either, i just wanna sit alone and study. and i need someone to call me. or msg. to know i exist. i dont really know why. but i just think i do. i feel like im a prisoner in my own house. this place is making me crazy and i must get out. right now theres only two things going through my mind. one is fuck la.... and the other is ow....damn it. think this is it. see you tmr.. in school. i better be there.

2005-08-06T23:10:00.000-07:00

BELIEVE.

It's a miracle how I still can remember your password.
HEH. : D As I sit here, on the chair, thinking, whether you would
kill me for hacking into your account. BUT, on the other hand, I'm hoping
you wouldn't read it, so then, you wouldn't know. BUT, if you don't read it,
what's the point right?

I guess I should get straight to the point &stop wasting time.

Oh love,

I know that I can't always be there for you.
Whenever you call or something, it's been proven.
But, I just want you to know that I will do the best I can
to try to help you get through anything that is bothering you.
Even if it's a childish little fight between your friend about
a POCKY STICK or something.

You know that you will always have a friend in me
&that I'm always here, &that, you are always a part &in my heart.
(Mymy, that's a whole lot or '&')

Please be assured that I will always try to be there for you.
To help you get through a tough period.
I don't even know what's bothering you nowadays.
I want to help you okay.

So anyways, I guess I'm done.
I just want you to know that I'm here.
Let me emphasize on that, I'M HERE ALWAYS! : D

I love you, please.

When you get lonely &no one's around,

You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down.

YOURS SINCERELY,

AZIE!

: D

2005-08-06T14:30:00.000-07:00

cheerleading went well... one stupid stunt fell down. was damn angry. wanted to cry. but no point getting worked up over stupid mishaps. stuff happens. so now we gotta do it on monday at national day. how... fun?
anyway. on friday, yest, my dad was angry i was home so late. cos after honours day my friend and her parents brought me out to dinner at newton. i was so like... touched? or rather grateful. cos i hate going home myself. and her parents were really nice. but im scared of what they think of me. then i got home at like 11.45 haha funny. but i was really greatful...anyway. on monday, ana is having a sleepover... so fun. gonna be a blast. :) haha hope i can forget stuff when im there... ana has a way of making you laugh till you forget so ya its all gonna be great. plus there will be extra abuse and fun cos debs and mann are coming. they are like terrorists in the making i swear. haha anyway i gotta go help my mommy clean up the house even though i dont really do much. i can try!! hah ok well see you guys around!!!!!!!!!

i think this might end my life.

2005-08-06T00:18:00.000-07:00

this post simply goes out to mann.... for all those times you mock me :) now i make fun of you. smile. :)

MARY-ANNE IS A GOOD STUDENT

SHE IS EXTREMELY SWEET AND QUITE A POPULAR STUDENT.

SHE SHOWS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND IS DEDICATED TO HER STUDIES.

I SEE HER GROWING WITHIN HER CLASS

SHE HAS AN EXTREMELY GOOD NATURE AND IS BOUND TO MAKE IT FAR IN LIFE.

SHE HAS EMBRACED OPPORTUNITIES AND HAS TAKEN LEADERSHIP ROLES IN THE CLASSROOM.

I BELIEVE WITH THE RIGHT MOTIVATION AND CARE SHE CAN GRADUATE WITH HONOURS. HOWEVER MARY-ANNE'S NATURE DOES CONCERN ME.

SHE DOES HAVE A CERTAIN VIOLENT STREAK AND IS A LITTLE ABUSEIVE TOWARDS HER FRIENDS.

I FEAR THIS MAY TURN INTO A PROBLEM SHOULD IT NOT BE CORRECTED NOW. WITH THE RIGHT PROFESSIONAL HELP I STRONGLY BELIEVE SHE CAN OVERCOME IT.

IT WAS NICE TALKING WITH YOU.

I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON.

so before you kill me mann, haha i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha hopefully thats enough sucking up to keep me alive. hee' em....WORLD PEACE?

enough

2005-08-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

what happens when you have everything that should make you happy but you arent? i mean does that mean you never really wanted it? i highly doubt it. and what if theres something you dont want but its the only thing thats making you happy? confusion. so im turning up. for once. i think and i hope god will listen to me. i have a doubt as to whether he will but i can try. help. thats all i ask. im not saying for what cos i trust you know what is best to help me with. i mean seriously? drowning in water is bad but i feel like im drowning in acid, and i am never dying so the pain is staying with me. im going mad. and thats what i feel. school? thats like a whole new ball game. i mean ya. fuck. i dont even know why im writing this. i guess some things are better said. im scared i am gonna blow. i mean i know its small stuff and if anyone was in the given scenario they'd be able to handle it. i guess some are just weaker than others.

I TEAR MY HEART OPEN
I SEW MYSELF SHUT
MY WEAKNESS IS THAT I CARE TOO MUCH
THE SCARS REMIND US THAT THE PAST IS REAL
I TEAR MY HEART OPEN
JUST TO FEEL

this week has been uber hectic. i mean ok monday was ok. i was sick but i held it till i got home then slept the day. tuesday was when jamie and all were supposed to some over but it dint really happen. so i went home and slept again. still being a sick fuck. wednesday. oooh let the fun begin. michael got suspended for smoking. i thought she was better than that. i thought she was smart i though caring for her would make her realise that she doesnt need to do stupid things... but i thought wrong. i guess i should stop caring bout things that i should just stay out of. hence brings me to the days events. jamie and angie and bianca and izza came to my house. supposedly to figure out the dance for PE but you guessed it. we dint do anything heehee. so we hung around till 5.30 when i had to leave. where did i go? i had to go to school. you see honours day is on friday. ms michell michael was a vital member of this group. now she is suspended, we went into panic. and so i was called. it would be easy since i could catch all the stunts. only problem would be teaching someone the dance.and since i choreographed the dance there was their answer. use me. so as usual i dint say no. cos im a wuss. now once again i have been sucked in. so i had to go to training form fucking 6pm to 8pm. went home and did hw. 24 pages of a/c slept at one thirty. today... dance a mania. tired. achey and got non visible (cos im so dark) bruises. oh well. it was fun. i guess ill look on the bright side. theres always a bigger picture. in this case im guessing its a fuckin huge picture. cos so far im not seeing it.

me

2005-07-25T03:27:00.000-07:00

so i am now with my baby adriano.... kinda happy. :) life is good. i dont really know what i could say. i miss noraa' and all my sec four honeys. still think scott is sexy haha still think gary is hot in a small boy way. and still love my baby. so yeah everything seems in order. breaking news..... i cant tell...hee!all i can say is its excellent. sigh. rain rain go away come again another day!!!! oh and ms mary anne hia i need to talk to you you cow! so yeah..... anyway im like such a busy woman now so i gtg haha study!!!!!! lovee' ya'll. i miss you NORAA'

why?

2005-07-10T01:04:00.000-07:00

why do i keep punishing myself? why am i such a self pitying fuck? i donnoe. its starting to annoy me that im always sad. thats why i adopted my new way of acting happy. like a huge play that im acting in. the play called life. where everyone is but a mere character trying to satisfy the audience. quite rediculous when you think about it. but its ok. for when the adience is satisfied they leave you alone.... speaking of theatre. G my syf instructor has a job offer for me. he said when im done with O's i can come work for him... 1k a month... drama trainer. hmm... sounds good but im still not sure. away from my self absorbed self...

school suddenly seems... different. i mean its like there are people who have changed. its kinda weird. people are like debs, she seems happier and claud seems more stressed and less mentally unstable. ana seems happier and so does dawn even though its obvious she is feeling the pressure of sec three. jill and i seem to talk alot now adays. its comfoting to know i have a friend who doesnt expect anything of me. kim, kim and i are drifting. i can feel it... oh well.... its gonna be tough since i kinda rely on her for alotta things. its ok. everone has to deal with their own little problems. been going out with adriano and stan and kenny alot. seems kinda weird cos we hardly ever did that last time but then again maybe people do change. i must stay i have doubts cos i dont really like trusting anyone anymore. but ill give dri the benefit of the doubt besides, i love him to bits and hes my oldest friend. stuff like that means something. G told me i need to get a guy so mag will leave me alone haha. he is funny la that man. no wonder become drama instructor.

ok well im ognna go now. gotta write jilly a testimonial. she says she is sad haha. will update some other time when my fingers find the motivation. for now its good bye i guess... and if anyone got a lame or funny story or joke tag me or msg me k? i could use the joy :) love you all!

2005-07-03T23:23:00.000-07:00

checking in. im so tired and confused. im one screwed up child seh.damn fuck la. why does everyone prefer everyone elso but me? it sucks. its demoralising. unplugged went well i guess. i donnoe wether to do the next one cos im not sure if ill have the time. actually i know i will but i donnoe. what if my mom gets angry? die. eh adriano is being nice la. i like doubt whether his motives are true. i donnoe la. sigh. shit man i am like damn un trusting now. so sick of being used and dropped. its like again and agian. but like then being alone is like damn heart pain also. oh well... ok turning on the happy switch. hey haha okok i know i know i havent blogged in a while haha. sorry been damn busy. like all these performances! aiyoh but its like damn fun. like a part of me and i never!!! wanna give it up. ill just die la. and all these people i keep on trying to impress and get back. stress sia haha.its never good enough la. hah i,m hungry!!!!!!! hmmm..... haha oh well.... anyway schools been okay. trying not to crowd the ana claud dawn and debs group but like i like being around them la. they are fucing hiilarious haha. and then i hang with the sec fours and can die cos it makes me miss them and i scad' i go back to them and will end up loosing them at the end of the year when they leave. sigh sigh haha... then my class people. i hang witht hem also abit out la. only abit haah. ok la i gotta make up my fickle mind haha...ah i love jilly! hha shes fun to hang with. talking to her online so i just typed it out haha. no notinto her or anything haha. i miss hanging out with mann haha. and i miss debs cos she dint come to my performance! and i miss staying at anas house and i miss clauds noise and i miss making fun of jamies glasse and i miss kims hugs and i miss erwins words of advice and i could go on but ill shut up.haha okok im gonna go.... hah lovee' call me k?!?! :( ALL BY MYSELF! DONT WANNA BE ALL BY MYSELF! ANYMORE!!!!!!! HEEE'

2005-06-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

it sucks to have holidays and not fully use them to have fun. but you take what you get. past few weeks have been hard. confusing. tiring. scary. always had training and rehearsal plus unplugged now and the whole usual relationship cock ups. i think it would be better to be single. but its so hard la. aiyoh. haha anyway im tryiong to be happier now. i think its working. i also am scared its temporary. i am really freaked out. hah okok i gotta go i know its really short entry bu tits all i gota say. anyone wanna talk to me gimme a call or smth so i dont feel so alone k? lovee'

2005-04-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

tell me what is actually gonna make you happy?
no matter what i do its not enough.
i do admitt i get jealous.
im sorry.
i already said im a selfish little f***
i dont know what to do.
travel for 1 1/2 hours for you
and you seem like it dint mean anything.
like its was no big deal.
but i cant stop trying.
no matter how much i want to.
tell me whats going on.
i wish you would just hold me like you used to.
that everything could be ok like it used to be.

2005-04-21T05:05:00.000-07:00

the most amazing thing happened. i jus wish it dint have to end and you dint have to go.
but too much of a good thing is bad for you.
plus
there are always other days.

only human

2005-03-11T10:41:00.000-08:00

hey you guys, i got nothing much to say. actually i got too much to say so i shant write it all. so ya. anyway i hope you guys are okay. not stressing out too much. i know sec 3 is hard but we got no choice so its either deal with it or get out. just as long as you know there are people like me and im sure, others, that are here to help you all along. i love you all. bye.

im only human. theres only so much i can handle too.

rRrrrRRRRrrAAaaaaaaaAaahhhHHHhhH

2005-02-22T18:33:00.000-08:00

oh my fucking devils! raaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh i want to just die. i cant let it out cos people will know. my sec three friends? well i still cant help but feel extra. im like an intruder. sec 4 friends? they seem distant. all so caught up in their own thing. i have no one. my sister is always working. i can talk to mommy but i cant tell her. im scared. i cant tell mr tang cos well. im scared. but he knows more than others. sometimes i feel only he cares. it hurts. alot. i cant help it. im just so scared and hurt but i dont know what to do. and yet when i feel i can talk to someone. i end up not being able to say it. cos they cant know. no one can know. i want so badly to tell her but of all people she cares the least. i cant help but feel dead inside. i try to throw myself into school but i am just not interested even though i try. i pass. sometimes moderately but most times well. i feel so much bloody contemp at something i hardly know. i know its there i just dont now what it is. i do know. a little but whats knowing when you cant let the pain out? what if my pain overflows? what if i cant take it? what if no one cares? what if no one notices? what if i just break down? i cant handle it. im a wuss. im weak. i know that now. i just wish i knew how to get stronger. so for now its school. im pleased with my school performance. but its not good enough. its never good enough. i try but i cant be perfect. no one is perfect. not even you. but of course you think you are. hey dad look at me. think back and talk to me. did i grow up according to plan? and do you think im waisting my time? doing things i want to do cos it hurts when you dissaprove all along. i tried hard to make it i just want to make you proud. im never gonna be good enough for you i cant pretend ill be alright. and you cant change me. im sorry i cant be perfect daddy. i love to sing if you dont get it then sorry. meanwhile the other detail still tugs at my heart. and my heart has one word to say. ouch.

well iloveyou guys alot okay?
ana look after yourself okay? dint get sick too often.
jamie you better eat and not stress.
claudia, smile! :D
deb. dont stress. you look tired and sad and angry all the time.
and lastly
manne. relax. people care about you okay? now all you have to do is actually notice that.

hey

2005-02-18T10:29:00.000-08:00

its over haha i give up from now on its me and the books
oh big bloody joy.
somebody shoot me

the hottie

2005-01-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

i like her now. i love her now.
im happy.
this has never happened to me before.
please dont let it end...
she makes me feel complete.
it suddenly hurts when she isnt around.
but i can bear it cos i know ill see her again.
i hope it lasts.

if it hurts you it hurts me too

2005-01-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

my heart aches and it breaks into tiny little peices
im so damn confused and i donnoe what the bloody hell to do.
how?
i broke up with jason cos i was so confused.
ah!
then i saw that one at staceys party and i died.
oh well
but the two days that i was close to her meant alot to me.
now i only know two people truly care.
jun and jamie...
i love my jamie
oh well
but there is the hottie that for some reason makes me smile.
but i just think she is hot
dont know her that well so ya.
i hope i get to know her though.
well let see how it flows.
oh and to everyone who cares...
IM SORRY

whokay

2005-01-16T16:36:00.000-08:00

im actually getting QUITE used to my class.

got my darling jamie who sticks by me and then got cheryl.. donnoe bout her but ya.
i broke up with jason. i think... i donnoe la.
oh my gosh! yest' at staceys party, shaunna just had to show up and fuck up my perfectly fun day.
oh well at least i could talk to liz debra and MARY ANN!!!!!
sigh i think im mad.
okay well whatever.. i miss school. i hate home.
okay well bye.
LOVE YOU ALL! and i miss my nora!! :'(

2005-01-14T18:09:00.000-08:00

FRIENDS FOREVER GIVE OR TAKE!
HAHAH :D!

I LOVE YOU SARAH EMMANUEL! :D!
LALALALA! IM INVADING!

SARAHHHH!
SARAHHH!
OH SARAAHHHH!
;D!
HAHAHA!

DONT BE SAD OKKK!
COS IM ALWAYS HERE ; ALWAYS!

I LOVE YOU PLEASE!

:D`

LALAL!

second day of school

2005-01-04T18:55:00.000-08:00

i have just one sentence for you.
OH FACKING JOY!!!!!!!!!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I want ot like just die..
hate my class hate my school hate my class mates hate my teachers hate it all..
my mommy told me that hate is a very strong word.
thats why im using it!
oh well homework beckons! TELEHO!i miss belle and lizzie and gayle. but mostly... i miss my nora.....

new years eve. oh joy

2004-12-31T16:44:00.000-08:00

okay so right.
im at home on new years eve. how fun right?
ooh crossbred has a gig on sunday and i wanna go!
haha
yesterdays gig was amazing.
last transmission played the muse.
time is running out.
love that song.
and for the song hysteria terry was bloody good.
i must say i didnt know jonny could play drums remotely well and he actually did good...
really good haha
he got tipsy 1/2 an hour before the set and we were like SHIT!
damn funny
then my jason came!!!! haha
and ya
went home damn late
got screwed.
damn smart man that boy
shaun is sad cos he misses gayle.
so sad la
aiyoh.
and i cant go to his party today.
:(
im kinda sad i must say but oh well
i have to miss watching jackass again!
but shaun said he'll wathc it with me so if he desnt ill just kill him :)
haha
well i will be going now.
watch finding nemo..

GRAB SHELL DUDE!
see ya.love muackz.me

hi

2004-12-30T18:57:00.000-08:00

okay right so i have to go to terry's gig later where e is filling in for the drummer of last transmission. he's in NS haha

im like damn tired
remember i was gonna sing at spme gig?yeah well.... IT GOT CANCELLED!

OKAY WELL....my jason jason is at my house and watching tv. hahah

AIYOH
IM tired NOW
okay well i will be going now. bye ya'll

2004-12-23T16:03:00.000-08:00

finally im back!!!!
i got broadband!!!!!
cool aye?
i miss my darling jason! but hey i see him later...i get to sing going under and totally mess it up. how cool is that haha.
JOKES LA!
so right im in 3/9 next year.
i miss al my friends. okay well
i gota go get ready so
TELEHO!!!

oh and for next time.................................................

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.009-08:00

taufik won
OK I HATE THIS FUCK LA.
I WANT TO CRY AIYOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oohh and not because taufik won but because...
i donnoe just aiyaaaah

yawn.YAWN.yawn.YAWN.yawn.YAWN.yawn.YAWN.
I AM TALKING TO JILL AND SHE IS THE BEST PERSON IN WORLD SO EVERYONE SHOULD BE HER FRIEND.

SHE SAID THAT.. OOH ELECTRICO IS PLAYING TONIGHT AND EVERYONE SHOULD GO WATCH THEM AT THE YOUTH PARK AT NINE!!!!!!! MUAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.008-08:00

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.007-08:00

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.006-08:00

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.005-08:00

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.004-08:00

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.003-08:00

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.002-08:00

hi

2004-12-03T15:33:00.001-08:00

FATE

2004-11-27T06:01:00.000-08:00

there was a merchant in bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, Master, just now when i was in the market-place i was jostled by a woman in the crowed and when i turned i saw it was death that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture; now, lend me your horse, and i will rade away from this city and avoid my fate. i will go to Samarra and there death will not find me. the merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the market-place and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning? That was not a threatening gesture, i said, it was only a start of surprise. i was astonished to see him in bagdad, for i had an appointment with him tonight in samarra.

its all up to fate dont run from it. it always finds you

2004-11-13T20:16:00.000-08:00

spaghetti. huh?

whats that mean?

oh my God i miss him.

its killing me. Somebody please make me hate him.

i just need to get him outta my life before i just die!!!!!!
ah RRRAAAHHH

FCUK LA

2004-11-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

nora
come nora
aiyoh nora.
i do not have a crush on nora.
nora.
aiyoh. ok she is gonna kill me if i dont shuddup..
hi nora.
nora!!!!
nora loves me
ok im at noraaaaaaaa's house
ohh fun fun..
i can see me loving no body but you for all my life.
NORA KNOWS ME!!!!!!!!!!!
HI NORA!

OKOK BACK TO NARMALCY..

SORRY LA DAMN DISAPPOINTED IN MY RETAINING BUT....

I WILL SURVIVE

But oh well...
so ya...

plus, NORA LOVES ME!

sighs

2004-10-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

okay so it has been confirmed.

im so fackin dead!

and im being RETAINED!!!!

oh FUCK la

so how? im dead. my dada is gonna kill me!
how how how?
oh well.
my problem la.
sighs
so how?
all these ppl around me are all happy and got boyfriends.
can die la.
like major lonelyness sia
sighs.
i will miss my nora and my lizzy!
will be in a diff level next year.
aiyoh.
heart pain.
how???????
cry*
oh well. my fault la.

oh yeah

2004-10-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

woohoo its sec three all over again!!!!!

yesterday after the singapore idol results my friend andrea chow called me. b4 i picked up she hung up! then five seconds later she called back and told me that taufuk wanted to talk to me i mean woooooow I TALKED TO TAUFIK haha i mean i really look up to the guy man! he can sing...hahaha plus the fact that the guy can dance and is hot is all the better. haha so ya. i talked to taufik.....i talked to taufik....
i talked to taufik! haha
okay so maybe i never have a chance next to leandra but oh well....
anyway away from singapore dol and on to st ignatuis idol haha....
im performing... oh great.... i hope i dont mess up....screw man...if i do i will die...
i wish taufik would come but that is just it...i wish...
so right....im singing my boo haha
the best song in the world

now lets just hope that my parents wont kill me in case i RETAIN

There’s always that one person that will always have your heart
You never see it coming cause you’re blinded from the start
Know that you’re that one for me
it’s clear for everyone to see Ooh baby (you will always be my boo)
(Alicia Keys Rap)
I don’t know about y’all but I know about us
and It’s the only way we know how to rock
I don’t know about y’all but I know about us
and It’s the only way we know how to rock
(Usher verse)
Do you remember girl
I was the one that gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl
I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people
screamin your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby
(Chorus Usher)
It started when we were younger you were mine
(my boo)
Now another brother's taken over but it’s still in you’re eyes
(my boo)
Even though we use to argue it’s all right
(my boo)
I know we haven’t seen each other in a while
But you will always be my boo
(Chorus Alicia Keys)
I was in love with you when we were younger you were mine
(my boo)
When I see you from time to time I still feel like
(my boo)
(that's my baby)
You can see it no matter how I try to hide
(my boo)
(i can't hide it)
And even though there’s another man who’s in my life
You will always be my boo
(Alicia Keys)
Yes I remember boy cause after we kissed I can only think about you’re lips
Yes I remember boy the moment I knew You were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screamin your name
I was there and you were my baby
(Chorus Usher) It started when we were younger you were mine
(my boo) (you were mine)
Now another brother's taken over but it’s still in you’re eyes
(my boo) (yes it is)
Even though we use to argue it’s all right
(my boo) (it's all right, it's ok)
I know we haven’t seen each other in a while But you will always be my boo
(Chorus Alicia Keys)
I was in love with you when we were younger you were mine
(you were my boo) (my boo)
When I see you from time to time I still feel like
(my boo)
You can see it no matter how I try to hide
(my boo)(it's all right now, it's ok)
And even though there’s another man who’s in my life
(what we have is in each other)
You will always be my boo
(Hook Usher & Alicia Keys)
My oh my oh my oh my oh my boo My oh my oh my oh my oh my boo
(Chorus Usher)
It started when we were younger you were mine
(you were mine)(my boo)
Now another brother's taken over but it’s still in you’re eyes
(my boo)(you and i)
Even though we use to argue it’s all right (my boo)(it's all right, it's ok)
I know we haven’t seen each other in a while But you will always be my boo
(Alicia Keys Rap) I don’t know about y’all but I know about us
and It’s the only way we know how to rock
I don’t know about y’all but I know about us and
its the only way we know how to rock

well loving much
will be seeing soon.
muackz*

exams... TSK TSK

2004-10-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

I AM SCREWED I AM SCREWED I AM SO BLOODY FARKIN SCREWED

OKAY SO NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED THAT IM SCREWED.....BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAIGN COS...

IM GOING TO SEC 4...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND SO IS THE REST OF MY CLASS...RIGHT??? RIGHT.....

yay

2004-10-16T16:28:00.000-07:00

ITS OVER ITS OVER NOW MOVE OVER ITS MY TURN NOW ITS OVER. THE GAMES SHUT DOWN. SORRY :D

EXAMS ARE OVER YAYAYAYAYAA HAHA well happy slacking haha and btw

CHADDDDD MICHAEL MURRAYYYYY IS SO FACKIN HHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT
TSSSSSSS* SIZZLE :p OOH YEAH

well yup yup muahahaha hope you rot your holidays away as i will and i wuving nora!!!!!! hehe
gtg one tree hill starting...ooh chad my baby im coming!!!!!!!!

2004-10-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY IS NOT A CUTE GUY!
HE IS FUCKING HOT!
FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING HOOOT!
-DROOOOOOLS! -BEAMS-

NORA SOOO DID NOT SAY THAT! :D`
LALALALALALS!

SARAH IS GOING TO CHANGE HER UGLY TEMPLATE TO A CHADDDDDDD MICHAEL MURRAY, MR HOTTTIE! TEMPLATEE!

I SWEARRRR!!!!FUCKING FUCKING HOTT!

SARAH SHOULD LAY OFF ON THE VULGARITIES.
TSK TSK!

OHKAYE YALL!IM DONE HEREE!
BYEEEEEEEEEE :D`
LOVEEE MUCH!
DONT MISS MEE! -SARAH SAID THAT-

NO ONE WILL MISS HER DONT WORRRRY! -BEAAMS-

MISS ME?

2004-09-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

OH HAPPY DAY.
NO PHONE NO PHONE
*SOBS* *SOBS*
END OF THE WORL END OF THE WORLD...
WHY AM I BEING REDUNDANT?
JUST JUMP DOWN..CORYRIGHTS NORA
AH I WANT TO CRY
OH WELL OH WELL...
MISS EVERYTHING.
SO SAD I AHVENT BLOGEED FOR SO LONG
LIFE IS A MAJOR STICK UP MY ASS.
OH WELL.
LOVE MUCH.
ALL THE JOKES.

2004-09-07T01:34:00.000-07:00

ohkaye so i think sarah cant blog.
hahahs!
so im here to say heyy!
going off now.

lets hope sarah wont mind!hahahs(:

-noras invasion is donee((:

...

2004-08-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

i will tell you in another life when we are both cats...

haha okay well anyway,roach is now cool with me but she is sick so ya. get better roachie!
ok so i think i like this oerson [not roach] and i think i still like max but i cant be sure cos it dont really matter cos he always talks to my sister and half the world other than me which makes me feel so insignificant but then again thats what i am... highly insignificant.

so i hate life.

but who doesnt right? so ya. ppl think i like arthur but i just think he is really sweet thats it... and i dont think he needs another thing totally fucking up his life. im like this huge burden on every1. i hate it. [slap] i need to stop feeling sorry for myself [slap] ok... so, i guess i will blog next week again haha. ooh haha its my birthday next week haha oh well.. 28th [hint hint] i wish.

my superman

2004-08-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

yesterday nor nora belle and i went to eat kfc haha then like went to study with arthur and justin....haha damn funny man...rizan had to wear the stupid fries prize apron haha damn funny but sorta cute la...haha then arthursaw my hand all bleeding and all so he like took out a bandage and gauze all and wrapped up my hand to make sure i wouldn't do it again...:( i feel bad.... but arthur is damn sweet...donnoe what i'd do without him... then my bloddie bag felt like weights! can die..see what i get for being studious??? so he helped me carry it to the bus stop...im telling you that boy is damn strong haha... well ya...he is really agry that i did that to myself so now i feel bad....i mean i love arthur and all but i just....its stupid ...haha i shall deign [if thats how you spell it] him my superman haha...okay anyway i gotta go...going to meet arthur for cat so he can help me woth my art haha paper cut...oooh....

peace out..*muackz*

songs and quotes

2004-08-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

She Will Be Loved
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herselfHe was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

my god i swear im in love with that song...
anyway there are a few smart ppl i know who said some really good things sbout love.

do you love me because im beautiful?
or am i beautiful because you love me?
-cinderella

love is an irrisistable desire
to be irrisistably dasired.
-robert frost

love is sunlight, love is rain;
love i shealing, love is hurt;
love i sgiving. not having to take;
love is sorrow, love is pain;
love is lying in your arms again and again.
-Reza sharif

to fear love, is to fear life
and those who fear life,
are already three parts dead.
-Bartrand russell, Earl russell

your kiss will kill me
so won't you kill me?
so i can die happy.
-hands down, dashboard confessional

and the funniest song off all time???

Took her out,
It was a Friday night
I wore cologne to
Get the feeling right
We started making out,
And she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV

And that's about the time
She walked away from me
Nobody likes you
When you're twenty-three
And I'm still more amused
By TV showsWhat the hell is ADD?
My friends sayI should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

Then later on,
On the drive home
I called her mom
From a pay phone
I said I was the cops,
And your husband's in jail
The state looks down on sodomy
And thats about the time that
B**** hung up on me
Nobody likes youWhen you're twenty-three
And I'm still more amused
by prank phone calls
What the hell is call ID?
My friends sayI should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

And thats about the time
She walked away from me
Nobody likes you
When you're twenty-three
And you still act like
You're in freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me?
My friends sayI should act my age
What's my age again?
(What's my age again?)

Thats about the time
That she broke up with me
No one should take
Themselves so seriously
With many years ahead
To fall in line
Why would you
Wish down on meI never want to
Act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

betrayal

2004-08-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

i have been betrayed.
backstabbed.
and after the knife is in my back,
she pulls it out and does it over and over again.
watching me scream.
she and her darling.
then as she is finished stabing me,
she moves on.
she rips my heart on it.
puts it on the floor and steps all over it.
the best part?
that bich doesnt even know that i know.
she has not a clue.
and i thought she was my friend.
i thought i could trust her.
i was wrong and after this i now realize that.
anyway just remember this okay?
judas hung himself with his own rope.
anyway...happy thought.....once again...will smith naked in i robot...sighs... so hot.. anyway...havent been to mac's in a while...havent seen rizan. haha and bloodie helmi went and took of his cornrows so now like not that nice already. anyway...before nora the bitach kills me i gotta go or she will finish my recess...hahas....ciao...

peace out.
ooh friday the 13th....
freaky freaky [yeah rrriiiggghhhttt]

sighs.

2004-08-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

okay so heres somethings that are kinda [heyheyheyeheyehfhdbsgmdfhbhjrtks7ibh n - natliew.]
rrriiiggghhhttt...ok anyway...kinda obvious.

Shahrizan...
one person who most of the time is the only one who can cheer me up. so ya.....it kinda sucks la cos only one person who makes you happy???? and also she doesnt even know it... ok well....MISS YA RIZAN!!!

Nora...
the biggest load of crap you will ever meet....but i love her..

Nat...[russell lover]
hmm known nat since p3 and been really good friends...

jen...
was a really good friend in sec 2 especially and well now....quite close but not that...

sheryl...[princess]
well....were really close in p6...then fell out...but now we are quite close

Peter...
the guy i loved since the day i saw him...in p6...became close in sec1 but due to sondra circumstances...we fell out....we are cool now....i think....well ya think he knows i like him...oh well

Adriano...
has been a friend since sec1 and well ya...nth much to say bout him...except he is the most annoying person in the world that you can never get mad at...

Max...
well....missed him cos he went to america for 2mnths...he came back...today...haha and ya well have a small thing for him.....SMALL....i think...ok la...not so small...

Julius...
was my supposed boyfriend for like 1 and a 1/2 years....but we werent really considered together la.....but i still loved him to bits.....haha now he is in hk.....sighs haha he's a good friend....

CCC...
known him as long as ive known Nat.....haha he's a buddie and you have to know this idiot to actually think he is nice....and dont make him mad...he will whack you with a tennis ball...adn trust me it hurts....i would know....

okay well these are all the people who make waves in my life....of course there are ppl like helmi...my darling sister and my family who are too complicating to explain so ya...i will leave it at that....

i miss you guys...alot...and i dont know why...

peace out [hey bitch!! courtesy of `noraa((:]

propaganda

2004-08-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

okay so its like propaganda day. oh whoopteedoo...they just let the bloodie fireworks out lets all kill the birds with the damn fumes right?!......ok so i tried being mad at you and all even after you hurt me but i cant, i think i love you but im not sure. i thought i was infatuated but i know now i am nothing near that. what if i do love you? why couldnt i have just gone on hating you like in sec 1? i mean then i wouldnt have gotten myself into all this shit....i just want to be friends like last time...when we used to just hold hands and it wasnt a big deal....when i knew i had someone who would help me when my sisters other friends sided her...but i gues thats gone....i know you know who you are...and worst of all...i know you dont care... but the thing is i still do and i always will i h hope you know that...
anyway moving on....

need to think of something happy......ooh i know... will smith naked in the shower during i robot..

ah cant take it. have you ever wondered what would happen if you die? wondered so much that it actually scared you sometimes? have you ever put your finger in a flame just to see how much it hurt? i... i... dont know what i want to say. i just cant take it...the best part? i dont even know what it is...

i miss my friends... i miss being happy...when life was the same as now i just didnt worry about anything? since when did life start to seem so complicated...

i need someone to love me...not like family love. that i have. i need someone to love me in a different way from friends... but no one wants to give me that. or no one can. anyway...ill get over it...but i miss roach...max...G...

peace out,
love ya'll

its been a long day...

2004-08-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

life really sucks at times.
you know the performance at the airport?....we werent good enuff so they"fired" us... i cried....cant believe i cried in front of the whole team...think they should re-elect captain... i aint doing a good job...anyway...after that i went out with some of the cheerleaders for a while then met my sister who in the end happily desserted me for althea tan :P haha so i went out with gwen and later met bowen....bowen got mad when he found out....everyone is getting mad when they find out...oops?
anyway...this morning i woke up late and went to macs to meet everyone 30 mins late hehe but everyone except bowen and natalie was late too so it wasnt so bad hehe... i smiled at rizan but dont think she saw so when she didnt smile i thought she was mad at me but she thought i was mad at her so ya then wanted her to help my do some ez link thing ang she wanted too also but her boss made some other skinny chinese guy do it haha so ya...so sad oh well.... we cool...
then went to sondra's hse haha and played game cube with some of the guys haha lost some games and won some haha but lost most haha damn funny man....i was donkey kong haha....
damn damn fun...
omgomg...during cat, aunty charlotte made me and christy lead in singing but thank god it didnt involve singing alone haha.... after cat me bowen and arthur played rugby...with the occasional kick from christy...haha and then bowen and arthur walked me to ma granny's haha rugby was damn fun haha anyway.....ill catch ya'll arnd.... *muackz* peace out

oh fuck

2004-08-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

fuck la...the bloodie bitch found out and now she will get mad....fuck la...as if she even has a right to get angry.,...its none of her business....she decided not to care when she started being a bitch to me when she "found out"(different thing she found out)...okok im sorry but half the ppl on this planet wint get me ...thats the point....ok so....fuck.... ooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkk... anyway.... not my problem some ppl have fucking pms like 99% of the day.... anyway if she wants so be a bitch to me thats not my problem.....her loss... :)) ok i think im like fucking pissed off...oh well... math now...ciao

boredom

2004-08-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

okay so like i am fucking bored....if you are reading this,roach... you are a BITCH. i hateyou :)) and btw i didnt say you suck up to ms. chow and i didnt say you did a shit job of D&D night co s i dont think bout you every day of my life nor do i talk about you everyday of my life because my life does not revolve around you...anyway i ahbe a life and i hve to go for art so ciaoz!!! *muackz*

rugby

2004-08-03T14:18:00.000-07:00

hmm...rugby was damn bloodie fun... haha ms.teo grabbed me and dragged me to the mud and i was like all covered in mud.damn fucking fun....haha was like all covered in mud...damn shiok. then we all went to shower in the toilet and we were all walking around barefoot haha so retarded...
ms. chye gave me a talk...sighs so full of shit...
now nora is sitting behind me being a freaking wierdo...
OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ij cheerleading squad is going to send team singapore off to athens for the olympics on sunday....to the olympic..team singapore...send off...us!!!! we are doing our routine for them...so damn cool....and i get the honour of being the captain at the time! so bloodie cool....haha ok i better go before jo teo comes to class and totally fucks me upside down.....gross image....

oko so jo teo just left... so i gtg for training sighs...got training everyday till sunday...die... so ya...ciao

a sweet story ...i would

2004-07-31T21:53:00.000-07:00

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road...

Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day): A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. 2 people were on it, but only 1 survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die. Would you do this for someone??

finally i blog

2004-07-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

okay so i finnaly write something here haha whoopteedoo. ello and welcome to this wonderful blog set up by nora haha.thanks nora...love you loads and loads...damn im so damn tired but i got some church dinner thing later...die. i think i will go and hide in a corner and sleep...teheeheehee... as you can see...i've got mental. so anyways im blooming bored...and tomorrow i gotta do some dumb haunted house shit that aint even scary. i mean its all fun but its just so UNSCARY. that really sucks. fell of a damn ladder. so dumb. tryng to catch stupid ass bowen. thank god arthur caught me haha. now i got a large cut on my upper leg AND my damn ass hurts :( *sobs* oh well anyway. tag my board and i hope you come visit my blog again.buh bai *muackz*

p.s this is one of the poems nora couldnt find haha

somedays when i look outside
i feel hatred so alive
all you ppl wont survive
when its all over

used to cling on every word
every single thing i heard
your love didnt last you turd
but now its over

you never took a break
your love was so damn fake
every single thing you take
thank god its over

you know i used to be such a nice girl

why?
why you always hit me so i cry
knock me down you know i'd rather die
give me hope then drop me
cos i may love you but your a bitch from hell
a bitch from hell™

the day it started

2004-07-30T01:19:00.000-07:00

ohhkayee...so there was suppose to be this poem thingy thing but i kinda cant find it so yeaa..hahahs..helpin sarah do her blog..maybe i should write one of her poems frm my book to this thingy or write the lyrics for a song..hmmmm..hahhas..cant decide..so sarah..id you dont like this thing you can like erase it yeaa??hahahs!!
its all orangieeee((: ..hahahs..noraa is mad..
sarah loves orange..yes she does she doess...((: sarah lovess orange sodaa!!hahahs..((:
im psychoooo!!

IM GOIN TO DO THIS IN RED!!HAHAS..SO THAT EVERYONE CAN SEE!!IM GOIN TO THANK NORAA FOR HELPING ME DO THIS THINGY THING!!HAHAS..((: YESSIREEEEEEE..SHE RAWKS MY SAWKSS!!HAHAHAS..((: UHHHHUH.."PUSH IT PUSH IT SOME MORE..GIRL I WANT TO MAKE YOU SWEATT!!SWEAT TILL YOU CANT SWEAT SOME MORE..AND IF YOU [SOMETHING] IM GONNA PUSH PUSH IT SOME MOREE" ((: HAAHS..OOOOOHH..YEAAAHS!!SARAH HAS ANOTHER BLOGGG!!ITS AT..ERRRRM..
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=bimnah
CLICK ON THAT THINGY THING KAEES PPL!!
well..im gonna go off now..goin to find nice blogskin for this bimbo/meenah here..hahaas..((: *lets just hope sarah doesnt kill meee((: hahahs..
yeaps..

loveee ya lotss!!((:
xxoo